Tuesday Thoughts: M2W2: Breakthroughs & Goals

I had a breakthrough this week about why I give my power away so easily to others. Why I refuse to take control of things sometimes and it feels like this never endless battle of me vs me. I’m sick and tiered of it! The thing no one tells you about, is the fact that once you go on this self discovery journey it’s a never ending ride you just cannot get off from no matter how exhausted you are, must be a lot like being a parent, after all I am re-parenting myself into a better version of myself.

Something just went off the other day and it was like it all clicked. It felt like I broke that ceiling I’ve been fighting to break for the last month. If I can just keep myself from trying to sabotage myself I think I’ll be fine. Truth is maybe this really is the beginning of something new. Yesterday I found this old journal entry from early in the year mentioning how I felt I wasted Q1 and here we are in the middle of Q3 and I still don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything because I’ve been self sabotaging myself since I quit my job, going back to old habits that didn’t serve me any longer because I was scared to face the fact that I had quit a job and the lurking mischievous thought that I might not be good enough kept showing up everywhere I went, but I think that’s the problem. I give my power away too easily, because if I let others take control I never have to say I failed myself, it wasn’t me in control after all. Truth is that’s why I feel so out of control. Giving control of everything in my life, to everyone but me, and trying to control all situations out of my control, like girl give it a break and just take control of your own life! So here we are.

Yesterday I approached one of the cutest retail shops in Austin, also one of the highly rated ones but I pitched myself and my brand and while I don’t know if anything will come of it I’m proud that each day I’m watching myself take steps towards the kind of business owner I want to become. One that shows up and hustles to make her dreams come true. I think they might be right when they say it’s not about the destination, it’s about the person you become on the journey there. Watching myself conquer fears, vices, self sabotage, and come out the other end of it better each time and progressing really moves me in a way I can’t explain. I’m my own greatest pride and joy, because I’m my own greatest accomplishment, and if you’ve been there to witness it then you know and if not stick around and you might read all about it here in the bits of my intimate thoughts I share with ya’ll.

Here we are, middle of Q3 M2 W2 of Entrepreneurship and about twenty five days before my show. I have a month and a half before it’s the end of Q3, so what can we really accomplish? What are the goals for Q4?

Again odds are very very low that no one is actually reading this so let’s get real honest with it, shall we? Seems like between old journal entries, childhood dreams, and healed versions of me we’ve all decided we want to go big. Like massive cosmic proportions big with this. I want to see how far it can really go. I think in the past I’ve struggled with the idea of having it all for many reasons such as ethics, morals, ect but truth is maybe deep down I hid behind all of this afraid to admit that because what if I didn’t ever get there. What if I never became a multinational brand? What if I never got to showcase at NYFW? What if I never got to showcase in Paris? Lately though the question of, what if I never go after it all truly and fully and now I have to live with that in the back of my mind for the rest of my life? And that is a far more daunting question than I care to admit.

So maybe I don’t need the private jet but I do want the ability to travel often, well, and in style and the ability to take all my friends if I wanted to. I don’t need the farm estate commune but maybe I’ll figure out how to do well by those with less resources without my own plot of land to farm on. Maybe I don’t need the recognition of being in the pages of  Vogue and Harpers Bazzar, but I do want to achieve those levels because I deserve to show myself how capable I truly am of doing so. I truly don’t need to be a billionaire of any kind but god I swear I’ll do right by more people with the more I’m given. Decidedly I want a really really really cool life full of adventures, and with it I want to see how far I can go if I let myself be the most me version, an unhinged, healed, big booty version of my highest self. Cheers my friends, into the arena we go!

Love,

Alvarado